Tag Archives: Tionna Smalls Advice

Sep 1 2012

Dating 101: Do You Really Know How to Date? Are You the Dating or Relationship Kind?

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In today’s microwave society, everything move so fast. We are living in a time where women are getting pregnant by dudes they only been “talking” to for less than 90 days. Its like no one is getting to know each other before they jump in and start relationships.

Wellllllll….

Its a small portion of women in the world who still believe in DATING. Yes, I know that word may be unfamiliar to most but it still exists.

Dating: the act of going on dates aka nothing serious aka I may like you but I still want to try other merchandise before I buy aka you not my man, son!

When I talk about dating on Twitter, many men on there scold me for telling women that they should date at least 3 men and so on. They believe in the social construct that a female dating 3 men is a whore. I often ask them what is wrong with a woman having options. A woman can date 3 men and not have sexual relations with all 3 men. Please, I know women who have dated multiple men and didn’t have sex with any of them. And even if she has sex with all 3 (as per the movie “She’s Gotta Have It); who are we to judge?

It’s 2012 and women are liberated therefore we are not at liberty to judge a woman’s sexual activity. It is what it is.

A #DatingGirl is a smart girl!!! These days we get so caught up in keeping people that we dont see earlier on the signs that could have saved us a heartache or STD or 2. Sh*t is definitely real and its time to really get to know people before you get all caught up in the matrix. Dating helps you get to know a person- trust me!

When dating you must be honest with all parties involved. Lets say you met a popping guy. You’re digging him, he’s digging you but you know that you are in no way, shape, or form ready for a serious thang… You need to tell him immediately. In the beginning most men are cool with it because they just want to bone too but as time goes along, things can could get tricky. All of a sudden the plan starts to deviate.

When dating you have to allow for your action to match what you are telling homie. If you say you guys are just dating; you can’t be around him everyday. You are giving off the girlfriend vibe when you are around him everyday. When dating you can’t introduce him to major people in your life like your parents or child unless you are at the end of the dating stage and want to see what they think before you take the big plunge and even then you introduce him as your friend or hun never as your man. You can’t express over emotion!!! The word love should never, ever, ever be used at this stage even if he says it first.

Now all of this can go really, really, really wrong if any party start to have real crazy feelings for the other party and the other person dont feel the same way. Now this has happened to me… I was in a fuc*ship (a union of just f*cking aka f*ck buddies) with a guy I was dealing with and we started out on some let’s f*ck and chill ish then all of a sudden one day he caught feelings for me. At the time I had my own thing going on so I didn’t react the way he wanted to. Needless to say, all of a sudden I realized I had feelings for him; like real feelings for him (this was like almost a year after he caught little feelings for me).

In my defense, these feelings emerged after seeing him almost everyday (not on purpose) and dealing with him for a year and a half… Now, I knew I couldn’t make him my man so I decided to take my L and stop dealing with the whole situation. That is one of the things that can go wrong when you are “dating” someone.

Another issue can be he’s tired of playing games and he want you exclusive and you my friend are not ready to COMMIT (that has also happened to me). Lets say you are dating this great guy but you still not ready to commit; you take a huge risk by telling him you’re not ready. Dating is a betting game… You may lose if you gamble but the best dater is the one not afraid to gamble! Some people are ruthless daters, they risk losing great people everyday because they are stuck in their convictions of not being ready to settle down! But hey, you gotta lose to win!

Then you have the datingship that looks and smell like a relationship. You only date them, you’re only dealing with them sexually, you have a great friendship and courtship- just no title. You guys even have each other pics up on Instagram (ie me and my boo). This is more of the exclusive dating. People ask if you like the person and with them all of the time, why not say you are in a relationship???? Well sometimes titles mess up a great thing! I truly believe that now. I am not interested in the pressure that the word relationship brings. I’m not interested in falling in love at this time. I just want to have fun and enjoy the person I am dealing with.

This method of dating would confuse most but it works for those who just got out of a relationship or for those who are afraid to be hurt again. Its just a good feeling to know that you are around someone because you want to and not because a title of a relationship tells you you have to!!!

People ask me all of time, How long are you supposed to date before you make it official? Well that answers depend on the person. I know people who have dated for 2 weeks and I know people who have dated 2 years. Its all up to you. Dating is not about the time so much as it is about the readiness of both parties.

My new philosophy is DATE UNTIL YOU GET MARRIED! Skip the “boyfriend” stage and date, date, date until you get married. Marriage is for the settling down stage not boyfriend/girlfriendship. Hello, thats the point of getting married.

If you’re not a serial dater thats cool, you can date one person at a time and get rid of ‘em when you are ready to and move on to the next. Great thing about dating, there are no rules unless you and the person you are dating put some in place. The main rule some say is you can date other people just dont let me see it!!! Whatever the rules may be, just make sure they are clear to both parties.

Now after reading this post, ask yourself are you made to date or are you made to be in a EXCLUSIVE relationship. Relationships are somewhat binding. So a real dater can be non-exclusive where as a relationship is exclusive. It’s all up to you. If you know you can’t take the thought of a dude you are feeling to be with another person then don’t fool yourself, dating isn’t for you but if you know that it aint no fun unless we all get some (lol) then you are ready. Whatever it is, don’t fool yourself!

Please comment and share. Thank you!

P.S. when I placed dating in google images, the first few pages just show white people. Are they trying to say black women don’t date. Hmmmm, maybe in another post!

May 30 2012

Lust: Is Rihanna a Hoe or a Young Girl Misunderstood?

Dear Diary,

Before I start this post I would like to give Rihanna’s biggest Twitter fan a shout out. Heyyyyyyy MolestMeRihanna. Her eyes is probably going to pop out of her head when she sees this on my timeline.

Anyway, there has been a lot of chatter on twitter lately about Pop sensation Rihanna and her sexual activities. It seems as if everyone has been taking a dig at her from her mad ex Chris Brown to newcomer rapper Meek Mill to cornball rapper Drake. I don’t know if they are talking about her or not but if they are here is my take on Rihanna and her pum pum.

Rihanna is a beautiful, rich girl, who has had her share of lovers in her young life. She has tried the being in love thing and that apparently didn’t work with both Chris Brown and Matt Kemp. Now she is single and she has the right to mingle and do whatever and whomever she choses. When I write about people I am older than, I try to think about what the hell was I doing at their age.

I have to say, 21-23, was the most dicked-down years that I have ever had in my life. I had just broke it off with my first boyfriend aka first fiance’ who I was with FAITHFULLY since the tender of age of 15 and was straight out of control. I was dealing with dudes that I would never had dealt with if I wasn’t rebelling against myself and my own thoughts. In those years I dealt with a skinny thug dude (it was just sexual), a broke young dude (it was just mental), and a few other dudes who I don’t care to describe in this entry. I messed with a Taurus who was a little bit older than me but he was a psycho who couldn’t cum (yes you read this right) no matter what you did to him. He was a real weirdo who only ejaculated three times in his whole life (hell, that’s what he told me and I believed him- that’s a whole other story).

Finally, in my last months of “being free,” I begin to mess with a dude who I had a crush on since before I had a training bra. I thought he was the one and that it was fate how one night I was describing him to a dude I was networking with and come to find out he was his neighbor and he kind of hooked us up. Man, cold world! We women have to learn the difference between fate and a coincidence. Most of the times, we think we encounter someone on some deep shit and it be the total opposite. I learned a valuable lesson with that dude.

Anyway, me and “the one” ended up not messing with each other after we had a big argument over something that I had supposedly said to his homie (who was mad he wasn’t getting this young, hot cake). I believed that was an excuse because he was much older than me and a bum on a blow up bed. He was a little jealous of my upcoming success and didn’t want a woman like me who was out there getting her name up and rocking Gucci every time she went to his house (hey, I was young).

He wanted someone that he made and that wanted him more than he wanted her. I’ll never forget when I introduced my older lady friend to him, he acted like he wanted to cum on himself (well at least he knew how unlike some people I knew- haha). He was a crazy ass Gemini man who I just didn’t mesh well with. That is the story of my life with me and most men. I get a long with them so good as friends but many men can’t deal with me and I can’t deal with many men; maybe that is why I love my Cassy Poo so much.

After me and homeboy stopped talking, I decided to become celibate because all the men I was either talking to or screwing was a freaking nightmare. They were just unstable creatures. I was doing whatever I wanted to do sexually before I decided to hold on to them drawers but I guess I got tired of the “playgirl” life, so I decided to be by myself.

Within 7 months of bitter celibacy, I met and fell in love with Cas, who I am still with now (almost 4 years later). I was 24-years-old when we made it official which is very young to be settling down now that I look back. So back to Rihanna, she is doing what most young women do and that is testing the waters and seeing what she like and what she doesn’t like. She is not married and does not have any children so she is free to do whatever the hell she wants to do.

The problem with men is that they can’t handle when a lady plays the same game they play. We may can’t play the exact way because we have a vagina and we can get pregnant but you know what I mean. Yes, contrary to what some men may believe, some women can have sex without getting crazy attached and can move on when his di*k is no longer fun or needed like nothing happened. Who are we to judge these type of women? Well, I know I can’t because at one point of my life I was that type of woman. Women are starting to understand what men have known for ever and that sex is just sex. It really isn’t that serious especially if it’s safe and consensual.

These days people place too many social constructs on women who are sexually free and who do whatever the hell they want to do. Yes, we are liberated now and we LOVE sex just as much as men do. The time has changed when women felt bad about giving in to their sexual desires and being scared that he is going to blow up the fact that she gave him some coochie. I could care less who tell who they had sex with me before. Hey, it’s not who FU*KED you before, it’s about who FU*KING you now. Don’t even give a man the power to think that he has something over you because you may have not saved the suck back in the day or maybe a few days ago. We grown…and many men can’t handle a GROWN ASS woman who feel this way when it comes down to bonation (sex)…

Rules have went out of the window…Unfortunately

Everyone wants to be this nice girl and not do this and not do that and who are these guys wifing up now a days? Yup, the hoesssssssss. The big time hoesssssss too. Life has changed and the way men think of women have changed. Men only use sex against you as a way to control you but they can’t have that control over you if you don’t let them.

Being a hoe doesn’t have anything to do with the amount partners you had because if that was the case, most of us will be a hoe, but the PROXIMITY of what you do. That means that a girl can screw only 5 men in her life and if 4 of those boys came from the same block, she is considered a hoe. Thankfully for Rihanna, this rule does not apply to her because she is known on many blocks and everyone hasn’t hit that only maybe a few on the block of “Industry Ave.”

Rihanna seems to me as a young lady who does what the hell she wants to do and I like it but she better also remember that these industry dudes can be very vicious sometimes. I just hope she can handle it all.

Fellas will get further in life if they just shut the hell up and get that coochie but noooooooo dudes these days have a ego and like to assassinate a woman’s (who really don’t give a f*ck) character. Rihanna, keep doing what you doing…You obviously got something if these dudes who get more butts than astrays (Biggie) are mad.

I learned a long time ago in college that you can’t judge a person’s sexual identity on their sexual activity. So with that being said, she’s misunderstood. She can’t help if she is young, sexy, and free.

What are your thoughts??????? Please comment and share!