In today’s microwave society, everything move so fast. We are living in a time where women are getting pregnant by dudes they only been “talking” to for less than 90 days. Its like no one is getting to know each other before they jump in and start relationships.
Its a small portion of women in the world who still believe in DATING. Yes, I know that word may be unfamiliar to most but it still exists.
Dating: the act of going on dates aka nothing serious aka I may like you but I still want to try other merchandise before I buy aka you not my man, son!
When I talk about dating on Twitter, many men on there scold me for telling women that they should date at least 3 men and so on. They believe in the social construct that a female dating 3 men is a whore. I often ask them what is wrong with a woman having options. A woman can date 3 men and not have sexual relations with all 3 men. Please, I know women who have dated multiple men and didn’t have sex with any of them. And even if she has sex with all 3 (as per the movie “She’s Gotta Have It); who are we to judge?
It’s 2012 and women are liberated therefore we are not at liberty to judge a woman’s sexual activity. It is what it is.
A #DatingGirl is a smart girl!!! These days we get so caught up in keeping people that we dont see earlier on the signs that could have saved us a heartache or STD or 2. Sh*t is definitely real and its time to really get to know people before you get all caught up in the matrix. Dating helps you get to know a person- trust me!
When dating you must be honest with all parties involved. Lets say you met a popping guy. You’re digging him, he’s digging you but you know that you are in no way, shape, or form ready for a serious thang… You need to tell him immediately. In the beginning most men are cool with it because they just want to bone too but as time goes along, things can could get tricky. All of a sudden the plan starts to deviate.
When dating you have to allow for your action to match what you are telling homie. If you say you guys are just dating; you can’t be around him everyday. You are giving off the girlfriend vibe when you are around him everyday. When dating you can’t introduce him to major people in your life like your parents or child unless you are at the end of the dating stage and want to see what they think before you take the big plunge and even then you introduce him as your friend or hun never as your man. You can’t express over emotion!!! The word love should never, ever, ever be used at this stage even if he says it first.
Now all of this can go really, really, really wrong if any party start to have real crazy feelings for the other party and the other person dont feel the same way. Now this has happened to me… I was in a fuc*ship (a union of just f*cking aka f*ck buddies) with a guy I was dealing with and we started out on some let’s f*ck and chill ish then all of a sudden one day he caught feelings for me. At the time I had my own thing going on so I didn’t react the way he wanted to. Needless to say, all of a sudden I realized I had feelings for him; like real feelings for him (this was like almost a year after he caught little feelings for me).
In my defense, these feelings emerged after seeing him almost everyday (not on purpose) and dealing with him for a year and a half… Now, I knew I couldn’t make him my man so I decided to take my L and stop dealing with the whole situation. That is one of the things that can go wrong when you are “dating” someone.
Another issue can be he’s tired of playing games and he want you exclusive and you my friend are not ready to COMMIT (that has also happened to me). Lets say you are dating this great guy but you still not ready to commit; you take a huge risk by telling him you’re not ready. Dating is a betting game… You may lose if you gamble but the best dater is the one not afraid to gamble! Some people are ruthless daters, they risk losing great people everyday because they are stuck in their convictions of not being ready to settle down! But hey, you gotta lose to win!
Then you have the datingship that looks and smell like a relationship. You only date them, you’re only dealing with them sexually, you have a great friendship and courtship- just no title. You guys even have each other pics up on Instagram (ie me and my boo). This is more of the exclusive dating. People ask if you like the person and with them all of the time, why not say you are in a relationship???? Well sometimes titles mess up a great thing! I truly believe that now. I am not interested in the pressure that the word relationship brings. I’m not interested in falling in love at this time. I just want to have fun and enjoy the person I am dealing with.
This method of dating would confuse most but it works for those who just got out of a relationship or for those who are afraid to be hurt again. Its just a good feeling to know that you are around someone because you want to and not because a title of a relationship tells you you have to!!!
People ask me all of time, How long are you supposed to date before you make it official? Well that answers depend on the person. I know people who have dated for 2 weeks and I know people who have dated 2 years. Its all up to you. Dating is not about the time so much as it is about the readiness of both parties.
My new philosophy is DATE UNTIL YOU GET MARRIED! Skip the “boyfriend” stage and date, date, date until you get married. Marriage is for the settling down stage not boyfriend/girlfriendship. Hello, thats the point of getting married.
If you’re not a serial dater thats cool, you can date one person at a time and get rid of ‘em when you are ready to and move on to the next. Great thing about dating, there are no rules unless you and the person you are dating put some in place. The main rule some say is you can date other people just dont let me see it!!! Whatever the rules may be, just make sure they are clear to both parties.
Now after reading this post, ask yourself are you made to date or are you made to be in a EXCLUSIVE relationship. Relationships are somewhat binding. So a real dater can be non-exclusive where as a relationship is exclusive. It’s all up to you. If you know you can’t take the thought of a dude you are feeling to be with another person then don’t fool yourself, dating isn’t for you but if you know that it aint no fun unless we all get some (lol) then you are ready. Whatever it is, don’t fool yourself!
Please comment and share. Thank you!
P.S. when I placed dating in google images, the first few pages just show white people. Are they trying to say black women don’t date. Hmmmm, maybe in another post!