I was very shocked to hear that the husband of Porsha Stewart (the newbie on Real Housewives of Atlanta) reportedly filed for divorce against her. Huh, the nerve of this downlow brother.

Money or no money, Kordell Stewart, is not a prize to anyone. He is extremely corny; he makes Nick Cannon look like the stud muffin of the year. Atlanta is all about living the high style life so I’m not going to judge Porsha for marrying such a dweeb… Maybe she fell victim to the love of a man with money who wanted a young, naive, woman who would come and help his “image”. I don’t know them so I can’t judge; all I do know is marriage these days for public figures is a joke and someone has to speak up about it.

I only watched a few episodes of Real Housewives of Atlanta this season but from the episodes I saw Porsha seemed to be obedient to her husband and allowed him to play the man role… Well atleast that’s how it looked on tv. I remember seeing a promo for an episode where Nene Leakes (Porsha’s fellow housewife who had admittedly been in an abusive relationship in her past) said in her interview scene that Kordell was controlling.

A man who feel the need to control a G.A.W (Grown Ass Woman) obviously has a problem. Homegirl even seemed too scared to go to a female strip club. Gah, where they do that at? (In my most ghettoist voice ever, lol). Maybe Kordell wasn’t whipping her ass but there was definitely something he was leveraging against her in his pursuit of control… I can tell you guys what it was… It was the money and the name.

I can tell that Porsha loves the power it brings to be Kordell Stewart’s wife especially in the city of Atlanta. She drives a benz around town and pull up to a mansion. She can shop, socialize, and try to get her singing career off the ground without worrying about her bills. She loved the fact that her husband could drop money on her without a problem and she loved to rub her marital status in (her other co-star) Kenya Moore’s face. It was like waaaam bish, I’m married to a baller and you’re not… Oh but look at her ass now.

My assumption is Porsha started to rebel against the tight regime of Kordell Stewart. Think about it, she’s getting her own money now (episode fees go up as you go along in Reality TV-land) and she is now famous from her own right. So now she doesn’t have to listen to every single thing her rich husband has to say. Kordell, in straight Deion Sanders fashion, decided that he’s not going to deal with it… So he embarrasses her by announcing he’s divorcing her and has a nerve to put out a statement talking about “it’s difficult.”

Duh Kordell, of course it’s difficult but whats worse is you could have kept it cute and gracefully bowed out but nooooo, instead you decided to make a public stinct and now she is embarrassed. All that bragging and all that insta-balling she participated in is now coming to an end and with no children between them and a marriage of two years or less, she most likely going to get a alimony check and a get-out-the-mansion-by June demand.

See this is why it is good to be an independent woman because when a man with money seek to destroy you, he will win if you don’t have much to fall back on and now she may be forced to kiss the Bravo producers’ ass so that she can at least guarantee herself another season which may help her land herself on her feet or at least another baller… Uugh, I am just happy I will never have to go through this because I will always work to get mine.

We’ll see how this all pan out. All I know is Kordell Stewart really has these heauxs laughing at her, NATIONALLY. I don’t know if he’s doing this as a publicity stunt to scare her or not but whatever it is… She needs to be done with him indefinitely, take her L gracefully, and move on while her baby heads are still perky.

What are your thoughts about this “divorce”!? Is it bullcrap or is it really real? Should Porsha try to save face and be quiet?

Please leave comments and share!!!

Dear Diary,

This is the first Thanksgiving that I am single since about 2006. I am not really a Thanksgiving person so being single on Thanksgiving doesn’t bother me in the least bit. Hey, I spent Hurricane Sandy alone… If I can do that, I can do anything! LOL.

Well, this year I’ve had some offers to attend Thanksgiving dinner (including one from my ex) but I decided that I will get some well needed rest like I did for the past few thanksgivings.

So, you are single and you are feeling lonely. Here is my Dos and Donts so you can have a great holiday without the pressure of feeling like a loser…

#1 Do: Thank God for making it to see another Thanksgiving. Hey, there are many people in the world that didn’t live to see this day so you better praise him.

#1 Dont: Don’t show up at your ex or current boo house uninvited. It makes you look like a loser and you are just punnishing yourself no matter how fly you look once you get there.

#2 Do: Spend time with your family because this is the time of year where family matters most. Consider yourself lucky that you have a family. Be good to your peoples!

#2 Dont: Don’t go over any of your EXES house no matter how close you are to them or their family. I don’t care if you were invited. Stay your ass home! An ex is an ex for a reason and you don’t need to cloud your judgment or your life with bullcrap. Dinners will just make you feel funny and will lead your ex on. He or she may start to feel like you want them back! Spending Thanksgiving with exes just make things even more confusing.

#3 Do: Do understand that if you are talking to a dude and he hasn’t invited you over for Thanksgiving or attempt to spend Thanksgiving with you or your family that he may not be feeling you like that or have made other plans.

#3 Dont: Don’t take it personal when you’re not invited. It’s cool! Knowing is beautiful and half the battle! Also, don’t make no excuse for why you are not spending the holiday with them. If someone ask, just straight up say, “He didn’t invite me.”

#4 Do: Hit your family and friends and say Happy Thanksgiving or Happy Holidays… Once again your peoples are everything.

#4 Dont: Don’t you dare hit no dude up on Thanksgiving day or the night before wishing him a happy holiday or to see what he is doing. No girly, you are too cool for school and too busy for that! And even if you are not too busy for that- you better pretend you are. No need to look desperate or put yourself out there. Let him hit you up first and if he doesn’t, don’t sweat it!

#5 Do: If you get too bored, turn off your phone and get some nice sleep or watch some movies on Netflix that you always wanted to see. Take time for yourself because only you can avoid being unhappily single on Thanksgiving. You can also make dinner for a homeless family or serve food at a homeless shelter. There are so many different ways to feel appreciated on this holiday.

#5 Dont: Don’t allow his ass to come over no 9pm after all the food is cold (unless he had to work). You are no second choice and you can’t allow that kind of fuckery into your life! 9pm is too late… Sorry, don’t even answer your phone!

I hope these tips help you. Have a great holiday guys and eat a lot and go to the gym on Friday and work it off hunny!!!

Love you for free!!!

Tionna

In today’s microwave society, everything move so fast. We are living in a time where women are getting pregnant by dudes they only been “talking” to for less than 90 days. Its like no one is getting to know each other before they jump in and start relationships.

Wellllllll….

Its a small portion of women in the world who still believe in DATING. Yes, I know that word may be unfamiliar to most but it still exists.

Dating: the act of going on dates aka nothing serious aka I may like you but I still want to try other merchandise before I buy aka you not my man, son!

When I talk about dating on Twitter, many men on there scold me for telling women that they should date at least 3 men and so on. They believe in the social construct that a female dating 3 men is a whore. I often ask them what is wrong with a woman having options. A woman can date 3 men and not have sexual relations with all 3 men. Please, I know women who have dated multiple men and didn’t have sex with any of them. And even if she has sex with all 3 (as per the movie “She’s Gotta Have It); who are we to judge?

It’s 2012 and women are liberated therefore we are not at liberty to judge a woman’s sexual activity. It is what it is.

A #DatingGirl is a smart girl!!! These days we get so caught up in keeping people that we dont see earlier on the signs that could have saved us a heartache or STD or 2. Sh*t is definitely real and its time to really get to know people before you get all caught up in the matrix. Dating helps you get to know a person- trust me!

When dating you must be honest with all parties involved. Lets say you met a popping guy. You’re digging him, he’s digging you but you know that you are in no way, shape, or form ready for a serious thang… You need to tell him immediately. In the beginning most men are cool with it because they just want to bone too but as time goes along, things can could get tricky. All of a sudden the plan starts to deviate.

When dating you have to allow for your action to match what you are telling homie. If you say you guys are just dating; you can’t be around him everyday. You are giving off the girlfriend vibe when you are around him everyday. When dating you can’t introduce him to major people in your life like your parents or child unless you are at the end of the dating stage and want to see what they think before you take the big plunge and even then you introduce him as your friend or hun never as your man. You can’t express over emotion!!! The word love should never, ever, ever be used at this stage even if he says it first.

Now all of this can go really, really, really wrong if any party start to have real crazy feelings for the other party and the other person dont feel the same way. Now this has happened to me… I was in a fuc*ship (a union of just f*cking aka f*ck buddies) with a guy I was dealing with and we started out on some let’s f*ck and chill ish then all of a sudden one day he caught feelings for me. At the time I had my own thing going on so I didn’t react the way he wanted to. Needless to say, all of a sudden I realized I had feelings for him; like real feelings for him (this was like almost a year after he caught little feelings for me).

In my defense, these feelings emerged after seeing him almost everyday (not on purpose) and dealing with him for a year and a half… Now, I knew I couldn’t make him my man so I decided to take my L and stop dealing with the whole situation. That is one of the things that can go wrong when you are “dating” someone.

Another issue can be he’s tired of playing games and he want you exclusive and you my friend are not ready to COMMIT (that has also happened to me). Lets say you are dating this great guy but you still not ready to commit; you take a huge risk by telling him you’re not ready. Dating is a betting game… You may lose if you gamble but the best dater is the one not afraid to gamble! Some people are ruthless daters, they risk losing great people everyday because they are stuck in their convictions of not being ready to settle down! But hey, you gotta lose to win!

Then you have the datingship that looks and smell like a relationship. You only date them, you’re only dealing with them sexually, you have a great friendship and courtship- just no title. You guys even have each other pics up on Instagram (ie me and my boo). This is more of the exclusive dating. People ask if you like the person and with them all of the time, why not say you are in a relationship???? Well sometimes titles mess up a great thing! I truly believe that now. I am not interested in the pressure that the word relationship brings. I’m not interested in falling in love at this time. I just want to have fun and enjoy the person I am dealing with.

This method of dating would confuse most but it works for those who just got out of a relationship or for those who are afraid to be hurt again. Its just a good feeling to know that you are around someone because you want to and not because a title of a relationship tells you you have to!!!

People ask me all of time, How long are you supposed to date before you make it official? Well that answers depend on the person. I know people who have dated for 2 weeks and I know people who have dated 2 years. Its all up to you. Dating is not about the time so much as it is about the readiness of both parties.

My new philosophy is DATE UNTIL YOU GET MARRIED! Skip the “boyfriend” stage and date, date, date until you get married. Marriage is for the settling down stage not boyfriend/girlfriendship. Hello, thats the point of getting married.

If you’re not a serial dater thats cool, you can date one person at a time and get rid of ‘em when you are ready to and move on to the next. Great thing about dating, there are no rules unless you and the person you are dating put some in place. The main rule some say is you can date other people just dont let me see it!!! Whatever the rules may be, just make sure they are clear to both parties.

Now after reading this post, ask yourself are you made to date or are you made to be in a EXCLUSIVE relationship. Relationships are somewhat binding. So a real dater can be non-exclusive where as a relationship is exclusive. It’s all up to you. If you know you can’t take the thought of a dude you are feeling to be with another person then don’t fool yourself, dating isn’t for you but if you know that it aint no fun unless we all get some (lol) then you are ready. Whatever it is, don’t fool yourself!

Please comment and share. Thank you!

P.S. when I placed dating in google images, the first few pages just show white people. Are they trying to say black women don’t date. Hmmmm, maybe in another post!

My parents have been married for 28 years and often times, I sit and wonder how the hell do they do it. Hell, my parents have spent more than 10, 220 days of their lives being married to each other. Geesh, that is a long ass time. I ask my moms from time to time, does she ever get bored of the sex? Or get sick of being with my father? And she always says the same thing, “you will never get tired of being with the person who is the one for you.” Damn that sounds good but shit now a days what is the one.

The number one makes me think!!! One means being with a person in hopes that they will satisfy your needs mentally, physically, emotionally, and financially. Man, sounds like a lot of pressure for that one. So I ask myself, wouldn’t life be easier if we were allowed to have two people to come in and split the responsibilities of making one happier. Man, I’m a hustla so I always think of practical solutions that can make things move more swift.

Everytime my mother try to give me advice about men and finding the one i stop her because she hasn’t been single since Marvin Gaye was alive. Women roles have changed and men DEFINITELY have changed. Moms is from a time where men took over the households and brought home the bacon. She always tell my sisters and I stories about the good old days and how if you smoked, a dude brought over the cigarettes; if you drink, dude brought over the bottle; and if you eat, the dude brought over the food; no ifs ands or buts about it.

Things have certantly changed, now adays dudes come over empty handed and expect you to suck them off like they are King Dingaling or something (save the suck ladies). They don’t even ask you if you need something before they come thru, SMH. Granted, women standards have changed over the years but many dudes haven’t learned the fundamentals of being a man which makes it hard for single women out here to find one dude who can satisfy their every need.

The world is crazy. It’s like if you meet a guy who has good sex, he doesn’t have a job and if you meet a guy with a job, he doesn’t have a car and if you meet a dude with a job and a car, he lives at home with his mama. It’s like how can you find a whole person to make you happy as a whole person when there are not many whole people out here. There are just a bunch of people out here trying to find themselves. And to those people trying to find themselves, keep doing you and keep others out your mix. You can’t be anyone’s #1 until you have everything together for yourself which should be your #1 priority.

I think you can find one person to satisfy your needs if you dont want or need much but if you live an advanced life, there is no way one person can satisfy you. The more complex your life is, the harder it is to be with one person who you feel can make you happy. I know that people with advanced lives are hard to please and expect so much out of people that we end up being disappointed but hey that is life.

I just think it is great to date multiple people until you find someone who fulfils at least 80% of your needs. Hey, Rome wasn’t built in a day. The person who fulfils that much percent in today’s society is a keeper because it is really hard. To find out what percent of your needs your lover have on lock, write down 10 of the ultimate needs you need to have in your love life. Now check off every need your “one” lover provide and the percentage will be clear. If you check off 3/10, your man only fulfil 30% of your needs (which is a fail); if you check off 8/10, then boom pow pow, he or she is a keeper.

The more advance of a person you are, the more needs you have which means the less likely a mere mortal is able to keep up with the checklist (not the one Chilli had).

I guess my feelings about being with one person will change ultimately when I meet the right person but I wont waste time thinking about it. Life is too short to be worrying about the “one” when you can have two or three in your life that you can rotate to your convenience. Yup, the funny man, the money man, the lover man, the sex man, etc.

Dating one person is hard and it takes a lot of patience and both parties must be down with the program in order for it to work. Hell, a lot of people think they’re with people when in all actuality, they are BY THEMSELVES. You won’t catch me out there!!! I say stop looking for the one and just do you!!! It will make you a lot happier in the end of the day but I know seeing people like my parents make you want the one infinite love…

Awww

Life is funny sometimes. You just never know who is in the background waiting for you and your dude to break up. I truly believe that people who just got out of relationships need time to grow and time to heal from the past relationships but if you are over it and over him, DO YOU!

I’m laughing because we always think a person had to be cheating with the next person if they get into a relationship right away after a break up but I am living proof that that is not true. Recently, I decided to end things with my fiance’, who I was with for 4 years. As soon as word broke out in my small circle about me being a single lady, a guy friend asked can he take me out. I knew dude for ever and wouldn’t normally go out so quick but I said, why not? And accepted his offer. I didn’t know what to call it. OMG! Is this a date? Is this chilling? Whatever it was, I knew I had to be cute.

I was ready!!!! Yes, ready to enjoy myself. I had no baggage left from my past relationship (when it’s over, it’s over) and was sure that the chapter with my ex was FINITO. Yes ladies, be sure that you don’t want the ex before you go on a date with the next.

Anyway, I looked cute; not too sexy and not too classy… Just hot! Needless to say, I had one of the most romantic dates ever. He was a pure gentlemen and I was very impressed. I never believed in a million years that I would be on a date with a man I knew my whole life but walla magic, here we were on a date, chilling, and enjoying each other’s company. It was a great feeling.

Now, I told you that to tell you this. Life is too short to not go on dates because you are too afraid to explore the world and hurt people feelings. When your relationship is over, you have the key to open any new door you would like to open. You just have to be ready to embrace a new world. That is why I started my new DATING GIRL Movement. It’s for the girls who dare to move on with their life and is super-happy about their new or old freedom. Freedom could be from your ex, freedom could be the pass to explore a new world, freedom could be anything you make it as long as you are happy.

I don’t want my ladies rebounding but hey, can’t get mad if another dude catch the steal. When you are a hot commodity, men are going to come and try to get you as soon as they find out you no longer have a owner and I love it. I love a man who is bold and who respected my relationship enough to wait. There are not many men like that out there…the best part of my date was that he didn’t talk about sex or try to get in my drawers. Ugh, I hate when men do that. You don’t ever have to feen for the panties, we know if and when were going to give them up.

Needless to say, me and my Mystery Man (I don’t show guys faces in pics until I know were solid) will go out on another date. I will keep you guys posted about my new dating life. Check out my pics from my date! And I better hear about you going on a date soon too! Muah…my new book, “You Gotta Lose to Win: Breaking Up, No Making Up, and Moving On with Your Life!” will explain it all.

P.S . Always rememer that another man’s trash is another man’s treasure. Muah, love you for free!

Lil Scrappy released a new music video called “No love” featuring Tocarra (a singer from ATL, not the model). I love the video but most of all I love when a young, black, man express their emotions. the video is cute and Lil’ Scrappy looks handsome. He is on his independent grind and a Boss Chick like myself can respect it definitely!

Here are some highlights of the lyrics that stood out to me…

Confused flow, for real though
Love came through the front, went out the back door
Emotions are running, depression is coming
Can’t believe you love me, cause your feelings are funny

Chorus: I’m so tired of going up and down, round and round
I’m so over it, I’m breaking down
I’m bout to call it quits, I done had enough of it
My heart is so cold, I can’t find no love here

My heart on broken, confidence stolen
Mind going crazy, should I stay or keep going
She don’t love me, well I gotta embrace it
If I don’t love her, baby girl you gotta face it
The thang about love you can’t find it you need to trace it
If love was a test, you either fail or you ace it
Love me, for who I am,
If not, shit I don’t give a damn
You want the cars, house and designer things
I get it baby girl, you want the finer things
And I ain’t hatin on you, go and get it now
Matter fact, go and get it, make daddy proud

And lastly,

You wanna upgrade baby and that’s a fact
But you don’t get a nigga just like that
You don’t throw away what we had, just like that
You leave a real nigga shawty i bet you come right back

Now that was some deep ish. I just hope he is able to love someone else again after this heartache. Damn!

What are your thoughts on this new video????

Filed under: Celebrities, life, Lost, Relationships Tagged: Lil Scrappy, Love and Lost, No Love, Thugs Cry Too, Tocarra ]]>