Category Archives: love

Mar 26 2013

When a Man Seeks to Embarrass & Destroy: The “Pending” Divorce of Porsha Stewart

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I was very shocked to hear that the husband of Porsha Stewart (the newbie on Real Housewives of Atlanta) reportedly filed for divorce against her. Huh, the nerve of this downlow brother.

Money or no money, Kordell Stewart, is not a prize to anyone. He is extremely corny; he makes Nick Cannon look like the stud muffin of the year. Atlanta is all about living the high style life so I’m not going to judge Porsha for marrying such a dweeb… Maybe she fell victim to the love of a man with money who wanted a young, naive, woman who would come and help his “image”. I don’t know them so I can’t judge; all I do know is marriage these days for public figures is a joke and someone has to speak up about it.

I only watched a few episodes of Real Housewives of Atlanta this season but from the episodes I saw Porsha seemed to be obedient to her husband and allowed him to play the man role… Well atleast that’s how it looked on tv. I remember seeing a promo for an episode where Nene Leakes (Porsha’s fellow housewife who had admittedly been in an abusive relationship in her past) said in her interview scene that Kordell was controlling.

A man who feel the need to control a G.A.W (Grown Ass Woman) obviously has a problem. Homegirl even seemed too scared to go to a female strip club. Gah, where they do that at? (In my most ghettoist voice ever, lol). Maybe Kordell wasn’t whipping her ass but there was definitely something he was leveraging against her in his pursuit of control… I can tell you guys what it was… It was the money and the name.

I can tell that Porsha loves the power it brings to be Kordell Stewart’s wife especially in the city of Atlanta. She drives a benz around town and pull up to a mansion. She can shop, socialize, and try to get her singing career off the ground without worrying about her bills. She loved the fact that her husband could drop money on her without a problem and she loved to rub her marital status in (her other co-star) Kenya Moore’s face. It was like waaaam bish, I’m married to a baller and you’re not… Oh but look at her ass now.

My assumption is Porsha started to rebel against the tight regime of Kordell Stewart. Think about it, she’s getting her own money now (episode fees go up as you go along in Reality TV-land) and she is now famous from her own right. So now she doesn’t have to listen to every single thing her rich husband has to say. Kordell, in straight Deion Sanders fashion, decided that he’s not going to deal with it… So he embarrasses her by announcing he’s divorcing her and has a nerve to put out a statement talking about “it’s difficult.”

Duh Kordell, of course it’s difficult but whats worse is you could have kept it cute and gracefully bowed out but nooooo, instead you decided to make a public stinct and now she is embarrassed. All that bragging and all that insta-balling she participated in is now coming to an end and with no children between them and a marriage of two years or less, she most likely going to get a alimony check and a get-out-the-mansion-by June demand.

See this is why it is good to be an independent woman because when a man with money seek to destroy you, he will win if you don’t have much to fall back on and now she may be forced to kiss the Bravo producers’ ass so that she can at least guarantee herself another season which may help her land herself on her feet or at least another baller… Uugh, I am just happy I will never have to go through this because I will always work to get mine.

We’ll see how this all pan out. All I know is Kordell Stewart really has these heauxs laughing at her, NATIONALLY. I don’t know if he’s doing this as a publicity stunt to scare her or not but whatever it is… She needs to be done with him indefinitely, take her L gracefully, and move on while her baby heads are still perky.

What are your thoughts about this “divorce”!? Is it bullcrap or is it really real? Should Porsha try to save face and be quiet?

Sep 1 2012

Dating 101: Do You Really Know How to Date? Are You the Dating or Relationship Kind?

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In today’s microwave society, everything move so fast. We are living in a time where women are getting pregnant by dudes they only been “talking” to for less than 90 days. Its like no one is getting to know each other before they jump in and start relationships.

Wellllllll….

Its a small portion of women in the world who still believe in DATING. Yes, I know that word may be unfamiliar to most but it still exists.

Dating: the act of going on dates aka nothing serious aka I may like you but I still want to try other merchandise before I buy aka you not my man, son!

When I talk about dating on Twitter, many men on there scold me for telling women that they should date at least 3 men and so on. They believe in the social construct that a female dating 3 men is a whore. I often ask them what is wrong with a woman having options. A woman can date 3 men and not have sexual relations with all 3 men. Please, I know women who have dated multiple men and didn’t have sex with any of them. And even if she has sex with all 3 (as per the movie “She’s Gotta Have It); who are we to judge?

It’s 2012 and women are liberated therefore we are not at liberty to judge a woman’s sexual activity. It is what it is.

A #DatingGirl is a smart girl!!! These days we get so caught up in keeping people that we dont see earlier on the signs that could have saved us a heartache or STD or 2. Sh*t is definitely real and its time to really get to know people before you get all caught up in the matrix. Dating helps you get to know a person- trust me!

When dating you must be honest with all parties involved. Lets say you met a popping guy. You’re digging him, he’s digging you but you know that you are in no way, shape, or form ready for a serious thang… You need to tell him immediately. In the beginning most men are cool with it because they just want to bone too but as time goes along, things can could get tricky. All of a sudden the plan starts to deviate.

When dating you have to allow for your action to match what you are telling homie. If you say you guys are just dating; you can’t be around him everyday. You are giving off the girlfriend vibe when you are around him everyday. When dating you can’t introduce him to major people in your life like your parents or child unless you are at the end of the dating stage and want to see what they think before you take the big plunge and even then you introduce him as your friend or hun never as your man. You can’t express over emotion!!! The word love should never, ever, ever be used at this stage even if he says it first.

Now all of this can go really, really, really wrong if any party start to have real crazy feelings for the other party and the other person dont feel the same way. Now this has happened to me… I was in a fuc*ship (a union of just f*cking aka f*ck buddies) with a guy I was dealing with and we started out on some let’s f*ck and chill ish then all of a sudden one day he caught feelings for me. At the time I had my own thing going on so I didn’t react the way he wanted to. Needless to say, all of a sudden I realized I had feelings for him; like real feelings for him (this was like almost a year after he caught little feelings for me).

In my defense, these feelings emerged after seeing him almost everyday (not on purpose) and dealing with him for a year and a half… Now, I knew I couldn’t make him my man so I decided to take my L and stop dealing with the whole situation. That is one of the things that can go wrong when you are “dating” someone.

Another issue can be he’s tired of playing games and he want you exclusive and you my friend are not ready to COMMIT (that has also happened to me). Lets say you are dating this great guy but you still not ready to commit; you take a huge risk by telling him you’re not ready. Dating is a betting game… You may lose if you gamble but the best dater is the one not afraid to gamble! Some people are ruthless daters, they risk losing great people everyday because they are stuck in their convictions of not being ready to settle down! But hey, you gotta lose to win!

Then you have the datingship that looks and smell like a relationship. You only date them, you’re only dealing with them sexually, you have a great friendship and courtship- just no title. You guys even have each other pics up on Instagram (ie me and my boo). This is more of the exclusive dating. People ask if you like the person and with them all of the time, why not say you are in a relationship???? Well sometimes titles mess up a great thing! I truly believe that now. I am not interested in the pressure that the word relationship brings. I’m not interested in falling in love at this time. I just want to have fun and enjoy the person I am dealing with.

This method of dating would confuse most but it works for those who just got out of a relationship or for those who are afraid to be hurt again. Its just a good feeling to know that you are around someone because you want to and not because a title of a relationship tells you you have to!!!

People ask me all of time, How long are you supposed to date before you make it official? Well that answers depend on the person. I know people who have dated for 2 weeks and I know people who have dated 2 years. Its all up to you. Dating is not about the time so much as it is about the readiness of both parties.

My new philosophy is DATE UNTIL YOU GET MARRIED! Skip the “boyfriend” stage and date, date, date until you get married. Marriage is for the settling down stage not boyfriend/girlfriendship. Hello, thats the point of getting married.

If you’re not a serial dater thats cool, you can date one person at a time and get rid of ‘em when you are ready to and move on to the next. Great thing about dating, there are no rules unless you and the person you are dating put some in place. The main rule some say is you can date other people just dont let me see it!!! Whatever the rules may be, just make sure they are clear to both parties.

Now after reading this post, ask yourself are you made to date or are you made to be in a EXCLUSIVE relationship. Relationships are somewhat binding. So a real dater can be non-exclusive where as a relationship is exclusive. It’s all up to you. If you know you can’t take the thought of a dude you are feeling to be with another person then don’t fool yourself, dating isn’t for you but if you know that it aint no fun unless we all get some (lol) then you are ready. Whatever it is, don’t fool yourself!

Please comment and share. Thank you!

P.S. when I placed dating in google images, the first few pages just show white people. Are they trying to say black women don’t date. Hmmmm, maybe in another post!

Aug 19 2012

Love: Can You Be Happy with One Person in Today’s Society?

Dear Diary,

My parents have been married for 28 years and often times, I sit and wonder how the hell do they do it. Hell, my parents have spent more than 10, 220 days of their lives being married to each other. Geesh, that is a long ass time. I ask my moms from time to time, does she ever get bored of the sex? Or get sick of being with my father? And she always says the same thing, “you will never get tired of being with the person who is the one for you.” Damn that sounds good but shit now a days what is the one.

The number one makes me think!!! One means being with a person in hopes that they will satisfy your needs mentally, physically, emotionally, and financially. Man, sounds like a lot of pressure for that one. So I ask myself, wouldn’t life be easier if we were allowed to have two people to come in and split the responsibilities of making one happier. Man, I’m a hustla so I always think of practical solutions that can make things move more swift.

Everytime my mother try to give me advice about men and finding the one i stop her because she hasn’t been single since Marvin Gaye was alive. Women roles have changed and men DEFINITELY have changed. Moms is from a time where men took over the households and brought home the bacon. She always tell my sisters and I stories about the good old days and how if you smoked, a dude brought over the cigarettes; if you drink, dude brought over the bottle; and if you eat, the dude brought over the food; no ifs ands or buts about it.

Things have certantly changed, now adays dudes come over empty handed and expect you to suck them off like they are King Dingaling or something (save the suck ladies). They don’t even ask you if you need something before they come thru, SMH. Granted, women standards have changed over the years but many dudes haven’t learned the fundamentals of being a man which makes it hard for single women out here to find one dude who can satisfy their every need.

The world is crazy. It’s like if you meet a guy who has good sex, he doesn’t have a job and if you meet a guy with a job, he doesn’t have a car and if you meet a dude with a job and a car, he lives at home with his mama. It’s like how can you find a whole person to make you happy as a whole person when there are not many whole people out here. There are just a bunch of people out here trying to find themselves. And to those people trying to find themselves, keep doing you and keep others out your mix. You can’t be anyone’s #1 until you have everything together for yourself which should be your #1 priority.

I think you can find one person to satisfy your needs if you dont want or need much but if you live an advanced life, there is no way one person can satisfy you. The more complex your life is, the harder it is to be with one person who you feel can make you happy. I know that people with advanced lives are hard to please and expect so much out of people that we end up being disappointed but hey that is life.

I just think it is great to date multiple people until you find someone who fulfils at least 80% of your needs. Hey, Rome wasn’t built in a day. The person who fulfils that much percent in today’s society is a keeper because it is really hard. To find out what percent of your needs your lover have on lock, write down 10 of the ultimate needs you need to have in your love life. Now check off every need your “one” lover provide and the percentage will be clear. If you check off 3/10, your man only fulfil 30% of your needs (which is a fail); if you check off 8/10, then boom pow pow, he or she is a keeper.

The more advance of a person you are, the more needs you have which means the less likely a mere mortal is able to keep up with the checklist (not the one Chilli had).

I guess my feelings about being with one person will change ultimately when I meet the right person but I wont waste time thinking about it. Life is too short to be worrying about the “one” when you can have two or three in your life that you can rotate to your convenience. Yup, the funny man, the money man, the lover man, the sex man, etc.

Dating one person is hard and it takes a lot of patience and both parties must be down with the program in order for it to work. Hell, a lot of people think they’re with people when in all actuality, they are BY THEMSELVES. You won’t catch me out there!!! I say stop looking for the one and just do you!!! It will make you a lot happier in the end of the day but I know seeing people like my parents make you want the one infinite love…

Awww

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Jul 29 2012

Dating: Finding Someone New After a Long Term Relationship!

Dear Diary,

Life is funny sometimes. You just never know who is in the background waiting for you and your dude to break up. I truly believe that people who just got out of relationships need time to grow and time to heal from the past relationships but if you are over it and over him, DO YOU!

I’m laughing because we always think a person had to be cheating with the next person if they get into a relationship right away after a break up but I am living proof that that is not true. Recently, I decided to end things with my fiance’, who I was with for 4 years. As soon as word broke out in my small circle about me being a single lady, a guy friend asked can he take me out. I knew dude for ever and wouldn’t normally go out so quick but I said, why not? And accepted his offer. I didn’t know what to call it. OMG! Is this a date? Is this chilling? Whatever it was, I knew I had to be cute.

I was ready!!!! Yes, ready to enjoy myself. I had no baggage left from my past relationship (when it’s over, it’s over) and was sure that the chapter with my ex was FINITO. Yes ladies, be sure that you don’t want the ex before you go on a date with the next.

Anyway, I looked cute; not too sexy and not too classy… Just hot! Needless to say, I had one of the most romantic dates ever. He was a pure gentlemen and I was very impressed. I never believed in a million years that I would be on a date with a man I knew my whole life but walla magic, here we were on a date, chilling, and enjoying each other’s company. It was a great feeling.

Now, I told you that to tell you this. Life is too short to not go on dates because you are too afraid to explore the world and hurt people feelings. When your relationship is over, you have the key to open any new door you would like to open. You just have to be ready to embrace a new world. That is why I started my new DATING GIRL Movement. It’s for the girls who dare to move on with their life and is super-happy about their new or old freedom. Freedom could be from your ex, freedom could be the pass to explore a new world, freedom could be anything you make it as long as you are happy.

I don’t want my ladies rebounding but hey, can’t get mad if another dude catch the steal. When you are a hot commodity, men are going to come and try to get you as soon as they find out you no longer have a owner and I love it. I love a man who is bold and who respected my relationship enough to wait. There are not many men like that out there…the best part of my date was that he didn’t talk about sex or try to get in my drawers. Ugh, I hate when men do that. You don’t ever have to feen for the panties, we know if and when were going to give them up.

Needless to say, me and my Mystery Man (I don’t show guys faces in pics until I know were solid) will go out on another date. I will keep you guys posted about my new dating life. Check out my pics from my date! And I better hear about you going on a date soon too! Muah…my new book, “You Gotta Lose to Win: Breaking Up, No Making Up, and Moving On with Your Life!” will explain it all.

P.S . Always rememer that another man’s trash is another man’s treasure. Muah, love you for free!

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May 24 2012

Love: Usher & Tameka’s Custody Battle

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I wasn’t going to comment on this but wooh this custody battle between Usher and Tameka is really heating up. He says she tried to beat the girlfriend up and spit on her too; she says he had sex with one of her bridemaids… Eesh, stuff is getting too real.

Well first of all I don’t know Usher and I never got any real information from my co-star about him so my opinion is my opinion… I believe that Usher is a little off mentally. Sure he is talented but I think that he was turned out too early in the business to ever have a mature, functional, relationship. Something about him is weird and totally grosses me out.

First of all, no offense to Tameka, but even Stevie Wonder could see that The marriage between Usher and Tameka wasn’t going to work. She was an older woman with her own children already and he was a young man in the prime of his career. Stories like this usually end up bad. He called off the first wedding and then went ahead to marry her anyway.

As grown people, we need to go with our first instinct. We have to stop rationalizing fuckery when it comes down to our relationships. Now Tameka has always received a bad rap because everyone in America wanted Usher to be with my former co-star but obviously being the sexual maniac that Usher is, that clearly wasn’t going to happen. Call it timimg… When Usher and my former co-star hooked up he was a very young man. He was still wet behind his ears and although they looked good together and was the same color, things didn’t work out. My sources tell me that she and him used to laugh all day and just have fun but I guess the joke was on her that one fateful night when he went and screwed some groupie chick like it was the last piece of pum pum he was ever going to get. He’s such a whore!

After he and my former co-star broke it off, he got with another woman who was also 8 years oler than him. Only this time, he fell in love with a dark skinned, strong featured, woman who was known to whoop a few asses in the streets of California. People were shocked and appalled and deep down inside I know it was because she was dark. People couldn’t believe that a superstar like Usher would not marry a “beautiful” woman but go on to marry someone who looks like Tameka. So sad that people still believe in 2012 that looks matter. Looks do not matter! A man is going to choose the woman he want to be with, bottom line!

You can say what you want about Tameka but Usher ass married her! She had to be something right if his ass made it his business to put a ring on it even though she already had three children. Now let’s fast forward, Usher and Tameka break up and head to divorce court… And in true Usher fashion, he goes and make a song about it called Papers. So the majority of us wouldnt have known what was going on if Usher didn’t croon about it on his song. Usher has the habit of benefitting financially from failed romances or assumptions. Hell, he better been lucky he wasn’t dating me and people thought the whole Confessions album was about me because I would have had not only the platinum plaque on my wall but a few millis just off of GP.

Anyway, now Usher is with another older broad which make me wonder what is he hiding that he is always going after these older women. He has a mother so that is not an excuse. He gets with this woman named Grace who is worse than any of the women he has been involved with (looks wise) and now he wants FULL Custody of the kids.
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There is no way in history a judge is going to give a pill popping, pop-star, like Usher full custody. How the hell is he going to take care of two young boys when his ass is always on the road? What is he going to leave the children with his grandmoms, I mean girlfriend, Grace? It’s just a lot of fuckery. He knows damn well he wants full custody so his ass wouldn’t have to pay child support. Yeah a move taken out of the Dwayne Wade Book of Divorce. I have witnessed crack heads keep custody of their children so they are wasting their time with this crap. Share custody for the kids sake because a child needs both their mother and father.

If Tameka is ordered to leave the mansion, she should just leave! Go and get a condo or townhome like the rest of us because people with money have a strange way of getting you out of their home when they want you out. Hmmmm.

Court is in recess until July. We shall see where this goes but I hope they get it together because no one suffers as much as the kids do in these situations. I also recommend that they all go to family therapy because how are they going to raise children together if they can’t get along???? And yeah keep your family legal business off of Twitter and Facebook because it is not cute.

I know from looking at the above picture, you may think that Tameka is crazy but I think that maybe she just know that he is trying to get the public on his side and since she was his stylist and been around him all of these years she know that he is not going to win. I know she has a lot of dirt that she can tell if in fact he tries to blow her up and assassinate her character. Tameka is a lot of things but stupid is not one of them. Hell, she was smart enough to get his ass to marry her.

What do you think Usher and Tameka should do about this child custody case? Comment and share!

May 10 2012

SPOTTED: Beyonce and Jay-Z at Erica Reid’s Book Launch!

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Ok I am very convinced now that Beyonce did have Blue because her husband is so into her. As I said in my previous blog about the power couple, she gave him a gift (which is the baby) and he is appreciative. I love these two and there is nothing like seeing a man who is in love…

It’s great to see their relationship flourish. People give so much in the beginning of a relationship that they lose their umph as the years go by. It’s good to take your time and keep it fresh. Don’t give too much (like babies) too fast…

Go Beyonce!!!

May 6 2012

Love: Great Relationships Take Going Through Some Fuckery!

Dear Diary,

When I was younger, I was a girl who dreamed of being married and living happily ever after. I believed that if you you were in a relationship with love that you would never go through problems. Boy as I got older my life and views has certantly changed. I realize now that in order to have a great relationship, you have to go through some ish.

I remember going over wedding songs with Cas and he said that he wanted our wedding song to be New Edition’s “Can You Stand the Rain.” When he said that I wanted to punch him in his throat but then I begin to listen to the lyrics over and over. Listening to the song really opened my eyes to love and relationships in general. Yes, everybody love you when things are great and life is good but what happens when the storm come? Are you going to be in the rain with me, running around with no umbrellas? Most people wont be around when bad ish happen or when a change of life come. Great song choice Cas but it aint happening (laughs).

When choosing a mate, you have to ask yourself can my love for this person stand the test of time? Will I still love and want to be with this person if he was in a car accident and was no longer able to dick me down the same way? What about if he lost his income and wasn’t able to buy you all of those expensive things you like?

These questions are real because in life, real shit happens and your answers are what determines whether your love is real or is it just plain fantasy. A couple who never went through anything drastic dont know what it is to ride or die for their mate. You need a real test to have a testimony of love.

Many single people and those who are in new relationships have ideologies about what they think relationships are but they wouldnt know what a relationship was if you smacked them in the face with one. Relationships are getting thru the rough patches and still making it work. It will not always be dreamy, sometimes bad times will come but it’s up to us to make it through and make it, TOGETHER.

So the next time you and your man is going through it, remember you’re not good until you make bad GREAT. Relationships that go through it, GET THROUGH IT.

Share your stories of standing the rain with your man!!!!! Also, please share!

May 4 2012

Love: Broken Men & Your Attempt to Save Them…

Dear Diary,

I know I have been gone for a minute but I was writing my first ever screen play. Yes, you read it right; I am writing and directing a movie in Brooklyn. Yep!

Anywho, I am back and today I would like to talk about broken men. Now what is a broken man? Well that’s a good question. A broken man is man who is emotionally unable to love and/or accept love into his life. He is a man who should have received a SSI check when he was younger because he just don’t have it all upstairs. A broken man is a self-sabotager who make sure he messes things up with any woman who shows him love especially if he feels himself falling too.

You can’t blame a man for being broken. Most of the times, you have to blame their sociological factors such as their nature and their nurture. Many broken men become that way from what they had to go through in their environment but MOST of them learn their shitty ways from the people that they were around most which is their mother.

Many women fall in love with broken men hoping that they can save them and show them a little love but they are truly mistaken. You can’t undo 25 years of fuckery!!! Nothing can help this man but prayer. A broken man must know and respect the fact that he is emotionally broken and that he may need help to overcome what has happened in his past.

Have you ever dealt with a man and no matter what you tried to do, he never seemed to show you the same love and respect back. Well, you may have dealt with a broken man. See, these broken men want to love and want to show love but they just don’t know how. No one has shown them how to properly care and feel empathy for someone else; all they know how to do is be messed up and care for themselves. Well at least they think they care for themselves. A broken man is very miserable and insecure and does not have a clue on how they can change their lives; so why are you trying to be Wonder Bitch, thinking you can change his life?????

No matter how much you may love someone, sometimes shit just doesn’t work out. Love is not enough; you have to leave a dude to keep a dude. Staying in a bad situation with a broken man is not going to help the situation, it is going to hurt the situation…Leave him and let him realize on his own that he need to get his shit together.

Life is too short to be playing Psychiatrist to your man, boo, or whatever he is to you. Who has time for all of that? If you want to be in psycho therapy, go get your license and charge $400 an hour. Don’t be one for free! Shit, you try to help him and end up messing your own ass up (I have seen this happen plenty of times). There are many warm poles out here that is looking for a woman like you to love. Leave this dude to the wolves until he get some act right.

I know I sound harsh but hey, life is harsh and I too have dealt with some broken men in my life but I can gladly testify that my life is much better without all of their drama and negativity. I don’t have time for dudes who start arguments and create bullcrap illusions in their heads all because they can’t deal with the fact that they were falling for me or that stuff was going good. <————–That's that self-sabotager thing I discussed earlier.

We'll go more into this one day. Share your broken men stories with me! Also, please comment and share!

Apr 29 2012

Love: Does His Grind Match Your Grind?

Dear Diary,

Now a days it is hard being a motivated woman. I guess it’s because most men are indeed intimidated by a strong woman who knows what she wants. When you are a successful chick, It’s better to already have someone already who understands those late nights of script writing (my life), those days when you take a lot of money out of the home to enhance your business (my life), you traveling, meeting new and exciting people. Everything in these type of relationships are cool until you sit down and ask yourself, are you the only motivated one in your relationship.

Being on the grind is not an easy thing; but hey, someone has to do it. I am a certified general when it comes down to grinding so I don’t expect any man who grinds as much as I do. In my past relationships, I have had a huge problem being with dudes because they’re grind was very limited. I am the type of person who goes hard in the paint when I want something in life. I go out and make shit happen; straight up and down. I hate dudes who sit around and dream about what they want to do and I hate people (in general) who’s excuse to why they don’t go after their dreams is because they don’t have the money. I always tell people who don’t have the money to at least come up with a game plan on how to get the money and also a game plan for the dream itself so your ass can be ready when you finally do get the money.

Plan…Plan is a word that wasn’t even in my dictionary until about a few weeks ago (don’t judge me!). Through trial and error, I have learned that if you fail to plan, you plan to fail and a DUDE WITHOUT A PLAN IS A FAIL (a vice versa).

You can’t be the only planner in your relationship. You have to definitely have the same kind of thoughts when it comes down to living your life together as a couple. If you are thinking like a millionaire and he is thinking like a “as long as I make $100 a day,” your relationship will not last through the test of time no matter how good you guys seem to be good for each other on a personal level.

My parents have been married for 28 years and I’d like to think that majority of the reasons why they are still married is because they wanted the same things out of life which was some kids, a good job, a good benefit package, and a home to raise their family in. Fortunately, they accomplished every goal they had and checked it off the list. Now they are just chilling and living happily and that is the formula to good relationships…Yes, in a good relationship you and your mate is on the same page when it comes down to your life and for your future. No one is jealous of anyone and everyone is focused on the plan.

Now what happens when you are on your GRIND and he isn’t?

Good question, from my experience this leads to jealousy and the relationship doesn’t last for the long haul. A person you sleep with every night can be jealous of you and mostly because you out there getting yours versus him going out there and talking about getting his. The guy gets either very sad because he realizes that his grind doesn’t match yours, or he gets real competitive with you and your achievements like he is playing basketball with is boys, or he starts to talk down/insult because he feels less than a man next to you and your achievements.

The first sign of jealousy is the not telling their friends or family members about your achievements. You’ve been promoted and is now making double the money but your man just so happen to forget to tell his mama about your promotion when he goes around telling her everything else. – He’s jealous

If he starts asking too many questions about your recent achievements, can’t come to your graduation (all of a sudden), start bringing up someone else’s accomplishments that seem to be doing better than you, or try to insult you- he is jealous and you my friend don’t need him.

The last but worse thing a jealous dude does is CHEAT. This happens when your accomplishments has turned your 6’5 man into a size of a baby shrimp and he need some loving from a chickenhead who admires the fact that he “at least has a job.” He gets all in her cooch to make himself feel better because he don’t feel like the man standing next to you. He knows that cheating on you will make you feel low (self-esteem wise) if you find out. If you don’t find out, he knows inside of his head what happened, which makes him feel like he has a one up on you.

Woah, its a cold world out here. I go deep into this jealousy in my book, “Girl, Get Your Mind Right!”

Anyway,

If you are single and/or looking for Mr. Right (even though, a woman should wait until Mr. Right finds her); ask yourself, does his grind match my grind before you waste your time giving out the goodies. Remember, he doesn’t have to be a millionaire or a basketball player to be a grinder because I have met plenty of people with money who are not GRINDERS. Don’t waste your time in a relationship with someone you know is not going to EVER match your GRIND…especially with one who don’t understand when it’s time to step their GRIND up. You have to have these honest conversations with your mate before you do something drastic in your relationship like get married or have children.

Man, I swear this love ish is all so complicated, just make the right decisions for yourself!

How important is it to you to have a man who grind hard? Please comment and share with others!

Apr 25 2012

Love: Do You Really Love Yourself or Are You Just Faking Jacks?

Dear Diary,

I received a great response on my post about Jay-Z and Beyonce’s relationship and the song, “Love on Top.” Reading some of the comments and some of the things my supporters said on Twitter really has me thinking. I ended the post basically saying that a man would put your love on top once he sees that you put your own love on top. I said it and I meant it with all of my heart.

There are many beautiful women in the world and for the ones who are not, there are many things that can make her beautiful such as well (such as weave, butt shots, fake tits, whatever) but there aren’t many women who love themselves. I’ll use Kim Kardashian as an example. Kim is a cute girl no matter what you may think of her, she always keep herself together (looks wise). She looks great on the outside but inside but her male trail (yes, credit me if you use this) shows me that she doesn’t love herself.

TIONNAISM:

Male Trail: When you go from penis to penis without giving yourself a break (or a coochie fan). After a while there are so many footsteps, it leaves a trail.

Being able to be by yourself (when necessary) is a huge sign of loving yourself. Now some may think that designer labels and money can buy you self love but, that my dear is not the case. Sure looking good could make you feel good but that my friend is a temporary feeling. Self love is something that many people are not blessed to have and Kim Kardashian can shoot 90 seasons of a reality show and bone every rapper/singer/basketball player until her cooch turns blue and still won’t be able to purchase the love that she is looking for.

TIONNAOLOGY: Seeking the love you are missing within yourself from another person is a deadly sin in this love thing.

I hate hearing women say that they’re man is their better half. I always correct them and say, “no, you are your better half and when you and him (two whole individuals) come together it’s just better.” Finding love within yourself means taking the time out to be with YOURSELF. People are so desperate these days that they settle for anything someone is throwing out to them just because they are afraid to be alone. But like I say in my award winning book, Girl, Get Your Mind Right! , you are alone anyway if you are dealing with some corny loser who doesn’t treat you right, who don’t come home at night, and treat you like dog poo. Sure the body may be there but his mind, heart, and spirit is somewhere at the next chick’s house. Why settle for that?

Sometimes when you want to love yourself, you have to first pray; I don’t know if you believe in God or not but I do and prayer really helped me find myself for myself. The next thing you have to do is take off all of your clothes and look yourself in the mirror. Look into that mirror and tell yourself that you love you no matter how fat the gut is or no matter how much you wish you had a butt like Nicki.

TIONNAOLOGY: Loving yourself is beyond the physical, it is all in the mind; and when you change your frame of mind, you change your LIFE.

Lastly, spend some time with YOU. Take YOU to the movies, take YOU bra shopping, take YOU for some ice cream…Treat yourself good. How would he know how to treat YOU if YOU don’t know how to treat YOU? Self-esteem and confidence is my number 1 defense when it comes down to not falling too hard for anyone (not even my man). My confidence and self-esteem keeps me from being too emotional. It allows me to make better decisions and it definitely shows men that I am not to be played with. One time I was in the barbershop talking to one of the Barbers and I was explaining a situation to him and he stopped me and said, “he knew what kind of lady he was talking to. He knew he couldn’t say that to you.” The Barber saying this made me feel good because it showed me that the energy that I put out to the men around me is the energy I am getting back which is respect, dignity, and pride. Now if I had showed any signs of weakness, I wouldn’t receive the response I do from men who are in my presence.

All in all, never allow the loneliness to take over you and your mind. Be a better person to YOU. Know your strengths, know your weaknesses, but overall know YOURSELF. You should never compromise the love you have for yourself to be with someone else. People who love themselves set standards for their lives, for their existence, and never allow anyone THICK PENIS or not to take advantage of that love. I am the PRESIDENT of the I LOVE ME club. I have it tatted on me and I definitely hold myself in high regard because I understand that a man is not my JESUS and that in the end when it’s all said and done, all I got is GOD and ME.

My I love me tat on my wrist

I hope reading this help some of you ladies because Lord knows we all need some inspiration sometime. Remember, Love is precious, love is kind, and most of all love for self is what makes you SHINE!