Dear Diary,
I know I have been gone for a minute but I was writing my first ever screen play. Yes, you read it right; I am writing and directing a movie in Brooklyn. Yep!
Anywho, I am back and today I would like to talk about broken men. Now what is a broken man? Well that’s a good question. A broken man is man who is emotionally unable to love and/or accept love into his life. He is a man who should have received a SSI check when he was younger because he just don’t have it all upstairs. A broken man is a self-sabotager who make sure he messes things up with any woman who shows him love especially if he feels himself falling too.
You can’t blame a man for being broken. Most of the times, you have to blame their sociological factors such as their nature and their nurture. Many broken men become that way from what they had to go through in their environment but MOST of them learn their shitty ways from the people that they were around most which is their mother.
Many women fall in love with broken men hoping that they can save them and show them a little love but they are truly mistaken. You can’t undo 25 years of fuckery!!! Nothing can help this man but prayer. A broken man must know and respect the fact that he is emotionally broken and that he may need help to overcome what has happened in his past.
Have you ever dealt with a man and no matter what you tried to do, he never seemed to show you the same love and respect back. Well, you may have dealt with a broken man. See, these broken men want to love and want to show love but they just don’t know how. No one has shown them how to properly care and feel empathy for someone else; all they know how to do is be messed up and care for themselves. Well at least they think they care for themselves. A broken man is very miserable and insecure and does not have a clue on how they can change their lives; so why are you trying to be Wonder Bitch, thinking you can change his life?????
No matter how much you may love someone, sometimes shit just doesn’t work out. Love is not enough; you have to leave a dude to keep a dude. Staying in a bad situation with a broken man is not going to help the situation, it is going to hurt the situation…Leave him and let him realize on his own that he need to get his shit together.
Life is too short to be playing Psychiatrist to your man, boo, or whatever he is to you. Who has time for all of that? If you want to be in psycho therapy, go get your license and charge $400 an hour. Don’t be one for free! Shit, you try to help him and end up messing your own ass up (I have seen this happen plenty of times). There are many warm poles out here that is looking for a woman like you to love. Leave this dude to the wolves until he get some act right.
I know I sound harsh but hey, life is harsh and I too have dealt with some broken men in my life but I can gladly testify that my life is much better without all of their drama and negativity. I don’t have time for dudes who start arguments and create bullcrap illusions in their heads all because they can’t deal with the fact that they were falling for me or that stuff was going good. <————–That's that self-sabotager thing I discussed earlier.
We'll go more into this one day. Share your broken men stories with me! Also, please comment and share!
On point Tionna. I had to let my daughter’s father go because I realized I couldn’t save him and t wasnt my place to. His mother messed him up so badly…he was seemingly incapable of love. I have a new guy and it is so much better to deal with someone who doesn’t have those emotional hangups. Ladies, stop settling. Find someone who deserves you and who will love you like you make his world go ’round.
As Tee would say, GET YA MIND RIGHT!!!
Sister you have a very good point but, what about the broken women who can’t seem to get her self together regardless of what happen in her life man have to pay For her bad break up listen some of the thing’s you base your theory on is true but Its a two way street as well as there are broken men there are broken women case and point every situation that surround people who suffer emotional disorder dont Arrive from there mother some have tested love for the first time and was treated bad by there partner and when they fine there self falling for another person some Sabotage out of defense of there own feeling why do Women say men are not shit and men say the same thing i believe through a bad experience in a relationship Cause a person man are women to be broken and React to love different then a person who never experience it there are some crazy people out here who went Through hell and feel they are ok and do there very best to feel normal after a bad break up just by chance someone come along looking for love out human nature We jump back in not knowing we are damage goods and need time to heal just my thought before we lable know for sure its not out a bad break up some men have There reason to be broken and there are some women who can make a different if Y’all give up on our men who do they have? Most sister wonder why when a black man get some good money he marry a white women because sister’s are very harsh on a brother and never understand what it takes for a man to be a man .just my thoughts its not personal just keeping it real
Sounds like DMX’s issue on Couples Therapy!
So on point….been there done that!! And the self-sabotager is the worst. Don’t try and save these broken men ladies let it go and find someone better, because your life would be so much better
This is so on point & im glad i knew this 6yrs ago when i let my childs father go….cant fix what doesnt want to be fixed
This is a perfect description of the last guy I was dealing with. If I didn’t know any better, I would think Tionna had been spying on us. As a cancer, I am a natural nurturer and very emotional. I would find myself going out of my way to do anything to make him happy, and I wasn’t getting any of that in return. No compliments, encouragement, love, and definitely no money spent on his part. All of that was there in the beginning, but as soon as he became the least bit comfortable, it all ended. And I have never in my life met someone who was so amazing at turning the tables to make everything someone else’s fault, or to put someone else down. As a psychology graduate student, I’m embarrassed to admit that it took me a while to realize that not only was he a bully, but quite frankly, emotionally abusive. I never would have allowed one of my friends to date someone like that. Smh.
I am of the thought that women think with two things: their minds and their hearts. I was giving my heart/emotions way too much credit. The truth of the matter is that emotions are irrational. On the other hand, when I stopped to think with my brain, it became apparent he and I weren’t equally yoked, and he had nothing to bring to the table. He had a dead-end job with no opportunity for advancement and wasn’t doing anything to better himself while I’m busting my butt working 12 hours a day and going to graduate school. He had 3 kids by 2 different women while I had no kids at all. Oh, and did I mention he and one of his baby-mamas still live in the same house with their kids????? I could go on and on.
Girl, I had to get my mind right quick, fast, and in a hurry! That started when I began to think with my mind and not my heart. When I walked away from him, instantly all of the negative energy that he had been filling me with in order to break me down and build his insecure self up was gone. Did I and do I still miss him? Yes! Emotions are irrational! LOL. But my mind knows that I’m better off now!
OMG, I too am in psychology. Well… graduated awhile back from Grad School, and became a counselor. And yes, I got into a 2yr relationship with an “emotionally unavailable” man whom I so BADLY wanted to fix. Just got out of it now. I kept on blaming myself, and (of course) he fed the fires… telling me I was crazy, and a whole lot of horrible language I won’t repeat !
Here’s where I REALLY Beat Myself Up ! ! ! . . . . . . . I QUESTIONED myself CONSTANTLY about… “How could I (a psychotherapist) have been DUPED and ALLOWED this kind of verbal abuse, and STAYED, and ENABLED, and tried to FIX him????”
Then I realized… Wait a minute ! I am a HUMAN BEING FIRST before anything else. In other words, JUST because I have the educational background and am intelligent enought to KNOW logically WHAT TO DO, it doesn’t mean that I’m not capable of emotional screw-ups and pain (just like everyone else on this planet). Just because LOGICALLY I am ok. . . Emotional Pain and Mess-Ups DO NOT descriminate. They afflict EVERYONE (regardless of race, religion, education, monetary status, etc…).
As psychology experts, we KNOW Depression, Anxiety, and mental illness do not descriminate. But if we have a mental illness, we somehow wonder, “ME? A professional psych worker? How could I have THAT? That’s IMpossible !” Nope. It’s NOT impossible. ANYONE can get afflicted with emotional pain, upset, imbalance, illness, or whatever ! ANYone ! ! ! ! ! ! !
So… don’t “beat yourself up” as I did. AND NEVER feel embarrassed (as I did). YOU ARE a VERY SMART and INTELLIGENT young woman ! Ya just are HUMAN, is all.
So, now ya now… don’t take it anymore. Let your logic rule on this one ! And let your heart free. Allow LOVE in agan from another man someday, who is kind, caring, sharing, loving, respectful, honest, and reciprocal. You deserve the very best !
Wow, T, my girl Beth, shared this and I’m glad she did, you are so on point with this. I’m just coming outta of a relationship with a broken-down dude, okay?!? and lemme tell you, I ain’t seen nothing like it before. I thank the Lord everyday I broke that bond! Cause ole’ boy had issues fo’sho!
I loved this and related too Dayum much to everything you said..smh! But I’m free… I busted out & I’m tryin to get a few of my girls to drop they broken men now! Keep the blogs coming so I can keep REPOSTING! <3
All I have to say is wow! Great description of a broken man. And self sabotage hit the nail on the head. I have had one of these you speak of and yes ladies nothing can help them but god and/or therapy when they are ready to handle their issues. Nothing you do will change this man…so run run run. Don’t fall for the banana in the tailpipe. Definitely needed to read this to remind me why I needed to release myself from my situation. Thank you
I am in the process of leaving a broken man now. Made the decision yesterday. Now I read this today and I’m encouraged more than ever! He looks at everybody else when things dont go right for him instead of making things go “his way”. Still has life fucked up. I’m too busy trying to advance in life. Thank you ladies for sharing your stories. This has given me the motivation I need to keep moving!
Yes this is definitely a sign…
Yes, yes, yes!! I was heavily pursued by my last bf until I fell for him. There were some things that triggered my intuition but he plays the good guy and starts his manipulation games even before the hello. So after a little investigation (hes not very bright) and following thru on my intuition I found 2 other women he was seeing at the same time! We are only 3 of many. There is evidence of many more but frankly I have more than I need to be finished with him. The lies and manipulations are incredible. Even after each of us confronted him with FACTS. He told one the other was crazy, and ALL of us he never saw anyone else while seeing us! What?!?! He also gave all of us an STD and of course denies that too. Which is funny to me since I was single (and clean!) for 4YEARS bfr I met him. I try to pray for him daily. It’s rough. The good thing is I now have an education I never wanted but am tankful for the wisdom, and 2 great new girlfriends!! I also get great satisfaction out of the fact that once I figured out things were off, the player got played. It won’t stop him or change his evil ways but it’s good to know a) I’m not crazy and b) I know my worth!
It’s easier to raise boys than fix men. It’s not your job ladies! RUN!!!
Girl that is some real fuckery. Glad you left his ass alone.
This is the first time I’ve heard of this broken man philosophy. It shed some light on my current situation. I was talking to a guy. We started off good. Talked all the time. Hung out. He was such a gentleman. Then suddenly he stopped talking to me. Like I do not hear from him period. I keep trying to figure out what happened. I thought I did something but I realized I didn’t. So I assumed it was a personal problem. Either way my feelings are a lil hurt. But thanks for the insight
I am in the midst of a relationship with a “broken man” and everything you said hit the nail right on the head! He self sabatoges and tries to break up with me often and we wind up getting back together. He has told me some things about his life coming up and it wasn’t great. As a psych student I know that I need to leave him alone, as a cancer I want to nurture him to health and as a future counselor I want to help him therapeutically but as a woman who wants a future with someone I know we have hit a dead end. Smh, thank you for this post. It makes what I know I need to do so much easier!
Yes run bish, run! You cant save a man who doesnt want to be saved.
You’re right on, with that Tionna ! I too am in the Psych field. And boy o’ boy did I “F” up my life by going with a screwed up dude ! So… ladies, listen to your LOGIC when it says YOU should NOT settle for a broken man. AND… listen to your heart… ‘Cuz if your heart says “OUCH”, then it ain’t good!”.
Luv your words, Tionna ! Thank you thank you thank you !
You are sooooo welcome, my dear!
Wow, you have just got my guts and ripped it ouch! Four years dealing with a broken man never got paid the 400 !! It’s interesting his mum told me today he is a broken man so I googled broken man? What you have said is correct right down to the won’t let anyone love him and self sabatager he has done some evil down right evil shit to me and played super duper good boy bang psychopath trait bit I love him so much it’s disgusting I’m disgusted for loving him I’m so depressed so sad not myself I’m sick he does not even notice me or recognize I love him. I learnt gaps from your blog I don’t make sense I know but I learnt the meaning of a broken man and I agree it’s not from a lover but his family. After four years of never knowing where I belonged with him after all the fake women he discarded me forcthe prostitutes the drugs alcohol I remained in love but decided to leave the place I grew up in I also learnt the meaning of insanity doing the sane thing over and over and expecting different results to do the same thing over will never help let alone save him. If god is listening as much as I love this broken man he chose to do what he has done without looking at the consequences of how anyone feels or gets hurt. My love to him is to go so he would be happy so I didn’t have to look at him making his bad choices or pretending to be happy with someone else god please hear me help him as he is going to hurt himself more let alone the damage left behind thanks for explaining what a broken man is
Hi, this is the first time i read your stuff. You are really mind-opening. I am in love with a guy i went to highschool with, but as soon as we got to gether i got scared and ran. Then a year later he ”let me go see him”. He didn’t fight for me i fought for him. I love him a lot. If he doesn’t show me he loves me like i love him should i move on or continue trying? Its been two years i’ve been waiting for him. Would you give up?
So, here I am, in counseling MYself (even tho I am a psych professional). I’m tellin’ ya’ll this, because I want you to know that even us pysch people get into some big time f*ckery! And ouchie. It freakin’ HURTS.
I showed this man love, cooked him awesome gourmet meals, let him borrow money, made him his coffee, accepted his verbal abuse, accepted his “absenteeism” on a variety of nights, calls and texts “to” and “from” other women, etc… . . . Sh*t, I was a sucker ! AND… I might as well just have wiped his butt while I was at it. Ugh. But THAT is how DOTING and “IN LOVE” I was. . . MAJOR F*CKERY.
So… with that, PLEASE know, that none of you are EFF-ed up. Just HUMAN !
And ANYONE can get duped, messed up, depressed, anxious, and hurt by these types of men.
The WORST part is, the self-esteem is SO shattered (as mine is now – but S-l-o-w-l-y getting better), that we THINK we can’t get anything better. We are AFRAID he’ll find someone else and dump us. We are SCARED sh*t that he’ll be running off with some other woman. etc… etc… We are so emotionally distraught and shattered, that we TAKE the disrespect, accept it, and seethe with anger and hurt and every other affliction during the whole thing.
Don’t take it, girlz ! It sucks. YOU do not deserve it (took me 2 yrs to FINALLY say, enough is enough).
I agree with this, but what do you do when you have known them for 6 yrs. Now I am pregnant by him. He decided that he was not being fair to me, he cried naturally, and said that he could not love me because in my opinion, is chasing a fantacy or using his ex as an excuse to not be with me. But he still wants to be part of the pregnancy, and I prefer him not to be because he is so bitter because I told him that I did not need him… I mean, we have had the best relationship as friends, and when he decided to take the next step, I was excited, and just days later he changed his mind like it was nothing. I am hurt, but strong enough to pull through this. This is my first child, and I was hoping for that dream, but I should have known better. I am 39 and now afraid that now that I am pregnant, I will never find anyone because I am pregnant and this old… What do I do, and what can I do? Should I let him be part of this, or should I just let it go and stick with my dignity? This is a hard decision to make and anyone that can give me advice would be appreciated. I am so torn by this. I feel like I have been used and thrown away like a piece of paper. But Then again, I still do love him, and hope that he changes his mind.
Thanks
What a fantastic article. I have just had to let a guy go today after 6 months – although it has been weeks in the post. His Emotional Unavailability is a severe case…it goes back to a hard faced mother, family of alcoholics, a lost 5 month old baby to a girlfriend of 9 years who eventually left him for another man (he found them in bed together). Hes a self professed loner, introvert, he’s only capable of relating to women when drunk through one night stands.
I tried to be there. Tried to love him at his arms length. But in the end he ran, and I had to leave him be. I’m a mess.
Walk away ladies. Just walk. x x
What if its an ex who broke him? Is there anyway to fix that? He tells me after a year and a half together he never loved me! Such as never felt the love he once had with the women he broke him. He tells me he cares wabts to be with me but yet doesnt have the feeling of being in love. I told him he needs to allow himself, he tells me he doesnt know how! Any Advice?????